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Apr. 3rd, 2010


Journal Update

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Please use lj-cuts for long meme's, images, quizzes etc. Only add me if I know you somehow and or we have some interests in common. I try my best to read and comment often, at least once every week or so. You don't have to do the same, but it'd be nice ;D

Jan. 1st, 2009


So I stopped posting again....

I was good for awhile back there. But it's a new year and with every new year, it's a new start...and another year older. Lol not sure just how I feel about that yet.

1st, to start off with this year's new year's resolutions:
1. Lost 15 lbs by July
2. Exercise more (3 times a week)
3. Write more, finish one of my original fics
4. Be nicer to my friends
5. Graduate
6. Focus on my job when I start in Sept.
7. Make lunch, eat out less

Dec. 30th, 2005



Title: Nothing yet
Pairing: H/Hr
Time frame: DEFINITLY pre-HBP, post OoTP
Rating: PG-13?...really G
A/N: This is almost a prequel to "Lost" or at least in can be considered as such or not.The last scene is so so SO rough and needs editing badly. But I'm just glad to be FINALLY done this (I started it before HBP came out..heh for after_the_rain_) So..here you go Mere!..lol finally...un-edited and needing polish.

UntitledCollapse )

And I obviously need a title. Heh, ideas and comments are REALLY welcome!

Dec. 24th, 2005





My rendition of 'Twas the night before Christmas ;DCollapse )

Hehe, hope everyone has a great holiday and have had a great year, if not, hope the year to come is filled with promise.


Oh and new layout ;D

Dec. 2nd, 2005


Lmao. Everyone needs to go see this right now.


Not even joking...this is hilarious. My roommates trying to chop wood with their hands, completly sober. It's be filming and giggling madly in the background.

Nov. 9th, 2005


Astrological Chart

Oddly AccurateCollapse )

Friends List

I've deleted some people....mainly because I never read their journal and they never read mine, also some icon journals, mostly hfuders I no longer talk to ...so no major changes. Please take me off your friends list:


May. 8th, 2005


newest piece.

to compare/counter? the previous post. lol although I doubt I've improved any.

taking the stairs two at a time
   she arrives at the bottom
       to stare at the puddle of blood
           pooling around her mother's body
               lying on the kitchen floor.

the shot had been loud
    enough to cut through the music
        with which she had drowned out their voices
            when they threw such hateful words
                at each other with such careless

her father stand beside the sink
    in shock, the gun slipping
        from his fingers as he stares
            at the women he loved, not seeing
                or feeling the hate from his daughter's


Old poetry I found...

Keep in mind..all of this stuff is hella old, like...4-5 years old.

nothing's ever good enough,
always shy of perfection
so what if i don't want to shine
to make the world see me

everything needs a little more work
i never get anything right
i haven't given up yet though
and i still try to do my best

pushing isn't always a positive
it's pressure, stress and hopelessness
knowing i'll never meet the standard
that was set just out of reach

comparing can be good and ill
for there's always someone weaker
but there's also always someone better
prettier, smarter, taller.

there's someone striving to be what you are
while you're striving to be more

no matter how much you push
or are pushed
those someones will always be there.

it's at times like these
when i really don't care
what you have to say
i'm not here to please

for once, can't you just go
leave me alone to my thoughts
don't crowd me don't order me
maybe you don't know
what's best for me

so many things do not matter,
but the stupidest things always do.
i'm worthless, i'm stupid, i'm ugly, i'm useless.
and i'm disrespectful if i don't listen to these words.

i'm expected to just sit there and nod along
while i'm berated and put down.
it doesn't matter what i do
or how much effort and heart i put in
it'll never be the right things
i'll just cry myself to sleep again.

the tears come less and less
since i work so hard to keep them oppressed
along with my self-confidence
since i'm supposed to allow it to be stepped on
at least by those who know better
or rather think they do
when really they're just as ignorant
and less open-minded than me

and of course it's all my fault
since i've been trained to put-down myself
hammered into memory, how stupid, worthless, and useless i really am.

this isn't another sappy story
about how great and precious love is
i don't care about the colour of your eyes
and if they sparkle or shine, good.

i'm not going to compare your smile
to the sun, stars or anything else
because just you smiling at me is enough

there's nothing wrong about the fact
that you're ordinary and kind of simple
your laugh isn't rich and vibrant
but more quirky with an added snort

i really do love you and to me
you are the world

but not because you dazzle and shine
or that your smile radiates warmth,
but rather, because of the simple fact
that you are you.

there are days when you hurt me,
days when i can't stand you,
and there are the days,
when i want to be nowhere else,
than wrapped up in your arms.

so maybe this is a little sappy
it's your fault though,
you bring it out of me.

i just want to tell you that i love you,
all of you and i always will,
even if your eyes lose the sparkle
and your smile pales compared to the sun.

i'll be by your side forever,
chasing our dreams together.


Apr. 17th, 2005


(no subject)

today was supposed to be different
today I was going to change
  the sun came up
  I was still here
    collapsed, listless, dead

tomorrow will be different
tomorrow, I'm going to change
  the sun will come up
  I won't be here anymore
    away, dreaming, living

when does today fade into tomorrow
when will tomorrow come

Boys are stupid...

I love how they can make me smile, by the littlest things that they don't even realize they're doing. Just by being interested, by going out of their way to make me feel better, special.

I hate how they have the ability to keep me smiling like an idiot just remembering what they said or how they made me laugh, and not realize the effect they have on me. I hate how they talk to me like I'm the only person in the world, and then complain about how some girl never notices them when I'm giving them every ounce of my attention and thought. I hate how they don't notice that I just want them to look at me, and that them looking at me makes me feel like the most beautiful person. Most of all I hate the fact that they can't see me the way that I see them, and that they never will.

Mar. 17th, 2005




He touched her and she surrendered. It wasn't fair the things he could do to her with such a simple gesture. A stroke across the cheek and she'd whimper his name. A caress of her side and she'd be lost. He had power over her and he knew it. He used it to hurt her, to torture her body and mind and most of all to entertain himself. He would only give what he wanted and never more. She ached for him yet despised his presence. His touch was ecstasy and unconceivable pain. She ran from him but crawled back begging.

She would never feel him again, and he would never hurt either. It was her only escape. The ground looked far away from the ledge where she stood. It would be over soon and she would be free.

She fell, tears streaming down from her eyes but a smile on her lips.